Get in on the John

Here we go... wait for it... wait for it... aaannnddd... a brand spanking new post is begun! Hehehe, wow, what a day, let me tell you! But more on that later, for a more pressing matter is at hand! M-m-mold! ALL over my blog! Egads!


Indeed friends and impressionable children, it seems as if, like a piece of cheddar cheese left unattended in the back of the fridge for too long, my inattention towords my blog has caused it to grow pulsating, desease-spreading bacteria all over it! Lucky for us all then that my sensei taught me the sacred martial art of cyberfungus-fu, and although the malevolent mold fought hard, sapping my very bandwidth and computational resources with useless digital frivolity, in the end I prevailed, finding the source of the epidemic in my html and ending our battle with one deft press of my dynamic delete key.
POW!

That would have been another cool graphical onomatopoeia, but you have no idea how long it took me to do the "Boom" one. Longer than it should have, that's how long! Gimp kept on crashing on me like a Terminator-driven mac truck through the front wall of police station headquarters. And each time it crashed I could hear the critical error promising me "I'll be back." in a macho austrian accent, but like an insect to a bright light I kept on opening up Gimp again and trying to get the blasted program to work. And like an insect finding out that the light happend to be a bug-zapper, I kept on acting shocked that it still wouldn't cooperate.

You'd think I'd have learned by now. Technology hates me ever so much lately. Hates me with a passion. Like I insulted it's mother or something. No, no, technology would have to be a pretty crazy hombre to do the horrors it has done to me today for just an insult. Usually we are the best of friends! More like I killed it's mother. That would do it. Technology loves his mum. But where are my manners! Allow me to explain.

You see, when Technology, or Tech as I like to call him was a wee lad his mum and him always used to take long walks through the country side, sharing everything, and have wonderful picnics together in the woods, and she always made him his favorite kind of chocolate chip cookies... wait, wait, you know what, no one really cares about how much Tech loves his mum, and besides I didn't do anything to her anyway! No, a much more interesting story is what he's done to wrong me.

You might remember that yesterday or the day before, or whenever (lack of sleep causes the days to blur into one another), I said that I had nine, count 'em nine papers to write within 12 hours, right? (That was the reason I wrote that other post about how stupid I was, because I put them all off for so long. And I am stupid.) Well after writing that last post I put my pillow on my chair to cushion my tush, readied M&Ms and Mountain Dew to keep me going during my marathon, and braced myself for the long haul. First I slammed out the revisions of my first two papers, and the stakes were high because unless I revisealized them correctly, they would be stuck with their previous non-passing grade. KA-POW!

My english teacher's head will spin when she reads those two, and hopefully the ammount of corrections I made will satisfy. I steal a glance at the clock. Too much time has passed! I still have seven papers to go! I return my focus to pounding out words on my keyboard. But wait! Wasn't this supposed to be a research paper? By grapthar's hammer!

It was! I vaguely remembered my english teacher telling us to start researching our papers a few weeks ago... and then I saw a smirking John pishwah at the instructor's counsel and then return to sunning himself on tropical beaches and drinking cold drinks from cocconuts with those little umbrellas stuck in them, the smug jerk. Goofing off and leaving me to suffer for it. Well see if I ever do anything in advance for him! Ha ha. Show him who's boss. (Allow me to reiterate: I am an idiot.)

KABANG! I do my research so fast it's scary and thenWHACK! out comes the detailed outline (without the detail), followed by, with more or less difficulty and failed attempts at suicide, my actual research paper which reports on how videogames are actually good for you. At this time I sure could use a relaxing gaming session, however it is now 4am and I still have to print the papers and highlight them, a task I reserve for the next day. WHAMMY!

I awake with little time to spare and after extensive highlighting and printing I manage to turn in the english papers with five whole minutes to spare! No time to celebrate, I still have 5 french papers to do and I have not yet started them. I return to the pallid glow of my computer and am moved to real tears when I discover that the biggest french paper isn't actually due until monday. REJOICE!

Let us take this moment to pause and reflect upon the fact that I have not yet told you why technology hates me.

Hmmm... yeah... interesting...

The reason I told you all that is just because I wanted you to get an idea of how tired and worn out and frantic I was. Let us continue.

So all I had to do was to write 4 one page journal entries in a couple hours, an act I could normally do with both hands and my brain ripped out of my skull and tied behind my back. However, having not slept the night before and my mind having been dulled by the repetitive drudgery of writing those stupid english papers, I only just barely put the last sentance in when it was due time I hightailed it over to the library and printed these things off if I wanted to turn them in on time. It was at this precise moment that my foot accidently hit the toggle switch of the power strip under my desk and my screen went dark.

I stared at blankly at my computer. Did I...? No. I didn't save. I didn't freaking save! My scream of anguish simultaneously startled a group of penguins in alaska causing them to jump off their ice berg into the water and be eaten by a whale, as well as making a kangeroo in austrailia wonder if someone was writing an english paper somewhere. I stared in disbelief at my still dormant computer. Maybe for some reason Word saved it for me? No such luck. Nothing to do but write the most I could and then go to the library and print it off.

Defeated but still determined I managed to redo the first paper and put it on my USB key, and then I hopped on my bike and rode as fast as I could to the library. I managed to find an empty computer and put my USB key in it and told it to print my paper. Now, every semester you get one hundred free copies of paper on your account, and at this point I still had 60 copies worth, so I knew printing my one-page paper would be no problem.

And so it was with shock and disbelief that I noticed after I pressed the print button I was told I had only 2 more copies left. I reached over and grabbed one of the pieces of paper the printer was madly spewing out and to my terror it had three lines of random characters on it and that was all. Apparently the library computers don't understand french. I frantically pushed the cancel printing button, but it was already too late, the 58 copies were already charged to my account, and I was already late for french class.

And that my friends, is how technology has screwed me over today. Sigh. And look what it's done to me now! I was already bone tired, and now I have stayed up till 5AM writing this! ARGH!! I STILL HAVE A PAPER AND TWO TESTS ON MONDAY I HAVE NOT STUDIED FOR!!!

CURSE YOU TECHNOLOGY! CUUUUURRRSSSEEE YOOOUUUUUU!!!!!!